


Yeah.

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Dave sells pills at a party, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Relationship Mending, Unspecified Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dave is in denial. About his feelings concerning Karkat, about the nature of his relationship with Bro and about whether or not he's ready to face either of these problems. Good thing the world is a big enough dick to force him to anyway.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	Yeah.

He was an ass for making you sell tonight.

  
You never question Bro when he asks you to try and sell. You see the water and lights bill on the table and even at fourteen when you started doing this you knew that apple juice and ramen for isn't your typical southern style Sunday gathering type of food- much less something you should be having for dinner for three days straight. Smuppets could only go so far. Plus Bro's been spending more time at the apartment, which meant he probably got fired from his job and as much as you appreciated the one on one time with strife’s and Tony Hawk- the older Strider was starting to smell rank. While it's easy to understand this as part of the playing the entire part of a cooped up degenerate, a small part of you is starting to fear that this bought of zombie Bro was not only bordering on overplayed but sinking into too legitimate.

  
So that's how you find yourself shivering and cold, lurking through dimly lit suburban streets- doubting whether or not you made a good decision to just get a taxidermy certificate as the only inkling of an idea to your career path. You're trying to find John's house. You always have more luck at parties and Egbert always being the saving grace that he is, happens to be hosting one at his house tonight while his father is headed off. 

  
The crisp night air is making your torso itch.

  
×××

  
The music has this whole house and your ribcage rattling and the smell of alcohol and drugs in the air leaves you short of breath and your head spinning. You don't do well in crowded environments for too long. You feel sick.

  
"I would suggest an announcement from your booth. To make people more aware of your services. Or would that be too ill-considered?" Rose is looking at you over the edge of her glass. Hiding her smirk behind the rim. She couldn't have been there a while because you've only been rooting through the fridge for fifteen minutes.

  
"Got it. Hey do you think the flecks in this guac are avocado chunks or someone tossed weed in here," You grimace at the unattractive green slurry, yet to look Rose is the eye. So to speak, "It was Gamzee wasn't it? Gamzee put weed in the guac. That guy's disgusting."

  
"Dave."

  
"Rose."

  
"This is a bad idea. John wouldn't approve," Rose always trying to play the mother bird- would she think you thinking of a her as a mother bird mean anything- never approved of you selling your old medication. You don't approve of selling your old medication. "What you're doing with your previous medication."

  
"The key word there Rose is old. As in I don't need it anymore."

  
"You can't just self diagnose mental illness away Dave."

  
"You can't just psychoanalyse without a degree Rose."

  
"Hm. How mature," she slides off the bar and you don't miss the slight wobble in her step. "I hope you know what you're doing."

  
×××

  
You are sitting with your friends on the couch when you think you hear someone shout a banshee like scream. It sounds like Karkat. Shit, what if it was Karkat? What would you do if it is Karkat? Your mind is running a mile a minute and you start feeling your hands begin to sweat and your mouth feel cotton dry. You take a few heavy breaths, trying to be as discrete as possible. The feeling is passing, as you let out a steady breath. Just like that the voice has disappeared.

  
×××

  
Your head is spinning again. You don't know if the foggy cloud behind your eyes is good. It's good right?

  
×××

  
Would you want to see Karkat again?

  
×××

  
You're not drunk when you stumble into a guy at the party. Your legs were tired from standing at the make shift DJ booth and the whole event was winding down to just small clumps of dazed young adults with their tongues down each others’ throat or making plans to shove their tongues down each others' throats. You're not sure at first but you think it's another attack.

  
You reach out your hand to try and get water from the sink but your hand is shaking so much that the glass slips from your hands and shatters on the floor. That sucks. Your hand. That's kind of bad news then. You just sold your last pill a few minutes ago and your not I the mood for pulling it out of the guys throat. Not yet anyway. This is just a small thing it'll pass right. Right?

  
×××

  
It doesn't pass.

  
×××

  
You think it's 2 a.m. when you're on the soft green turf crawling on your hands and knees towards the sprinkler. Your heart is racing, your limbs are trembling and it feels like your brain is going to start leaking from your nostrils.

You can feel the sweat down your shirt. Maybe that's the dew from the grass. Maybe that's your skin. All you know is that to you're on your back with your mouth agape and your chest collapsing. Hoping someone will turn the sprinklers on and you can get some water in your mouth. You're so thirsty.

  
You take a deep breath. It sounds depraved and hoarse. You feel a familiar copper taste on your tongue. To your dry lips probably split.

  
Oh fuck. You don't want to die. Why does it feel like you're gonna die. Alone in to your best friend's backyard. _Why does it feel like you're gonna die._

  
×××

  
You hear the crunch of shoes on the wet grass but when you open your eyes you realise you're in a bright white room with cheesy art work on the walls and the string smell of disinfectant. The sound is someone moving around in the plastic covered hospital chair and the person is a large menacing black lump on the chair. It sends a shot of electricity down your spine when you look at the rise and fall of the figure's chest. He looks so peaceful there. When he doesn't know you're watching. 

  
You feel exhausted.

You see your clothes neatly folded at the foot of the hospital bed. You look through the closed curtains by the window and see the bright blue sky. It should be around noon. You reach for your phone on the pedestal. You don't have any missed calls. You still wanna leave, so you press the call button on the side of the bed. You close your eyes while and wait for someone to arrive.

  
×××

  
You have a dream. It's a soft tickle of hair on your chest. It's not yours but you know you don't mind. The feeling moves up to the back of your neck. You realise that it isn’t the itch of your scars but a body moving against yours. You feel its arms wrap across your chest and you back flush against the shadow's chest. Most of the heat is from the kisses.

  
×××

  
The next time you open your eyes you see the doctor at the door of your room talking to the exhausted tired form. Now standing at the foot of your bed. The doctor wants to release you to his care. The doctor wants you to be in Karkat's care. He seems to agree and signs the release forms. He moves towards your clothes, probably to try and dress you. You feel yourself sweating through the sheets.

  
"Sup."

  
"Hey." His voice is low and grumbling. It sounds like he's tired or has been chain smoking since he was five.

  
"I'm sorry." It leaves you before you can come up with an explanation. Everything leaves you before you can come up with an explanation.

  
"Is that it."

  
"Ouch. Kick me while I'm down. Dude you know what I'm sorry for."

  
"I don't think so. Dave, okay look. Fuck you. Fuck you. I get you're trying to pull off this whole cool kid facade and part of it is having the inexplicable ability to not comprehend basic human etiquette, so that might explain your shit. I don't care, so yeah fuck you."

  
"... You don't have to help me if you're gonna be a asshole. You can leave. I can get home by myself."

  
"You're not going home. I have a futon in my apartment you can sleep on while you get back on your feet."

  
"No. You can't do that."

  
"I did. Rose-"

  
"You told Rose?? Don't you think you're over stepping your boundaries there? I appreciate the help, but..."

  
"But what?! Huh?! What, Dave?! Told Rose what?! That you're an ignorant self absorbed commitment phoebe. That you're so obsessed with keeping your facade that you had an episode and landed in hospital just trying to please your homophobic brother."

  
"He's not. He's not that dangerous. I can handle him."

  
"Is that why you're in hospital. You're handling yourself by me taking you to hospital."

  
"Karkat... It's gonna be awkward when I crash with you. I don't make enough to move out immediately."

  
"Rose says the job she got for you working at the botanical garden could mean you be renting an apartment in a year."

  
"..."

  
"Fuck," _sigh_ "look. I'm sorry I lashed out. It stupid. I'm stupid. You need help and I can do that without getting my shitty vengeful feelings and self pity involved in this. I can put those aside. I can get better."

  
"What the fuck man. You were always better. I think that's why I didn't want you to help. Not now with leaving Bro and not then with me trying to find my sexuality. I mean you and I were bad at feelings but you were... better. You knew what you wanted at least. I still don't know if I'm ready to leave Bro for you. I'm not angry at you for breaking up with me. I'm just... lost?"

  
"You didn't have to leave him for me."

  
"Yeah. Yeah I did. You were comfortable with yourself, just because of who I was doesn’t mean you had the moral obligation to be my emotional crutch in everything. You had the right to be happy. I wish I knew that when I was fifteen. Four years later and I'm still trying to understand that he isn’t the guy I made him out to be. If I met you now maybe I wouldn't be such a train wreck. I wouldn't... wouldn't..."

  
"Dave. Fuck, don't cry. He's the asshole here. You were too young to have that kind of pressure on yourself. I should have understood. Okay... okay??"

  
"Mhhphfff."

  
"What."

  
"Your sleeves are covering my mouth. I meant to say thanks for that. For everything."

  
"..."

  
"I'll try. I wanna try. I have to. But-"

  
"You're not going to do it alone. I promise I won't leave this time."

  
"Yeah."

  
"Yeah."


End file.
